my provocations
I started playing blackjack in the early 1990's underaged. I caught on to it quickly and was able to win convincingly on my computer with similar rules, so I decided to try this at the casinos local to me (Atlantic city). I played for small stakes and was very disciplined, and did well. Fast forward to around the year 2000, I got very lucky with unprecedented winnings and ramped up my betting way over full Kelly. Then I won even more. That was probably the worst thing that happened to me. I won too much money and developed the mentality that it was easy, and that all my studying paid off and I was due for this, even knowing it was fatal! Hey, I can weather the storm. I rented out a nice townhouse for 2 years, furnished it, and lived solely off bj winnings during this period. Fast forward another few years and finally the shit hits the fan. I just totally lost it. My patience for playing was in the toilet and I just hated the game. I lost just about everything. I've said it before, the hardest thing about blackjack is dealing with the impatience of being down, everything else is easy - it's the fighting for those small wins at the tables knowing you were well up months ago - you get the feeling that you're never getting back. That eats away at you, and it will test you.
Anyway, mid 2000s, I went to a GA meeting and decided that I'm not like these kind of people. Nobody even understands EV. I'm not going to compare myself with some slot junky or God knows what other kind of player that had no viable plan.
So, what has changed and why do I still post here? Lol. I still like the game! just not a lot of it :). I've matured a bit, lost the testosterone drive, and we'll, don't expect much nowadays. Thats key for me. I average playing once a month, been doing so for the past several years, with no issues. I can do this cause I'm very busy with a productive job and it keeps me in line. Some people might doubt me, but I will tell you if I fuck up, honestly. I regretted spilling out the beans at first, but I realized I've got nothing to be ashamed of. This is not an easy activity, and if someone thinks it is they have their own issues to deal with.
Anyways... sorry for being so long winded.Wish you the best.
