I am no longer the advantage player I used to be. There was a span of several years when I studied and took great pride in the game of Blackjack; it was a passion. I have compiled a large library of books, magazines, articles, and computer software. I have spreadsheets analyzing my statistical gaming history. I have written amateur computer programs verifying basic strategy, aiding my counting skills, and various academic stats. I have read and learned a considerable amount of information from many brilliant players from forums such as this. I have traveled all over the country playing. My game was counter measured and loathed at by the casino. I was a good player and my profits reflected it.
But now it has waned. I am still coming to terms of what went wrong. This is a touchy subject, but I feel that putting my ego aside and coming clean about it is the only way I am going to heal from this. Let�s say you make a simple graph of the x axis being time, and the y axis being profit. I continually demanded that line to be linearly upwards with insufficient x, especially as every session of playing. We all know that this is unsustainable, but I subconsciously refused to accept that. I lost all patience and demanded immediate gratification of earnings. I continually wanted less x and more y, perhaps exponentially. I over bet, played negative counts, played too long and often, sacrificed my health, missed work, and hurt my family and friends in the process. I became the gambler I scoffed at. I now have personally learned what the definition of compulsion really means. It�s an irrational disorder that will drive you crazy. I have realized that negative gambling is really not an intellectual problem, but rather a psychological one. Whether it�s due to genetic and or environmental factors, I don�t know for sure, but I can tell you that it can happen to the best of us.
I don�t wish this problem on my worst enemy. It is a never ending cycle of torment. I am now taking drastic measures to stop it once and for all. Peace to you all, and I wish you all the best.