Deep Throat leaks Casino memo
Deep Throat leaked this (unsigned) memo to me. I cannot vouch for its authenticity, but see what you think.
MEMO TO: W.E. Stitchem-Goode, Lawyers Inc.
FROM: W.E. Gottum Casino Chain Inc.
RE: Some broad is trying to stiff us. Stop her. And, at the same time, get even with LV Bear somehow.
Jack,
As we discussed on the phone, your extorbitant bill quote for these two little jobs is way over at $3M. We here have agreed to 3/4 of a M. Take it or leave it. Remember, one of us may have a Friend in the Mob. Here is a list of why you guys are required, damn it. Make sure you put your press release in your usual lawyer-speak that only other hot-shot lawyers and dumb judges understand.
1 We are not a charity.
2 Our sole purpose of existence is to make money.
3 Our other sole purpose is to our shareholders, damn it.
4 Our sole purpose is to make as much money as we can from all the idiots who come in here to play our stupid biased games. Our right to do this is enshrined in the Constitution. Find the right amendment and make a big deal about it.
5 Idiots who come in here with money, thinking they are going to get something for nothing from our stupid biased games are sadly mistaken. This is also probably covered in the Constitution. Find it. Make a big deal about it.
6 We pay a large staff here as little as possible, in the hope that the odd idiot that does miraculously win something will tip staff, that always seem to be complaining. See if there is something in the Constitution that will allow us to tax all idiots' winning bets $1 as a staff toke so it will look like we are paying them more.
7 We provide a plush venue, with expensive chairs and tables, all free to all. Find out if that broad thinks that she actually fell asleep in our chair. This could be an important point in our favor.
8 Make a big deal about the 14 snickers bars she got for free, AND I checked, it was 15 glasses of orange juice over 3 days. And the broad claims she had no food! Does she know how much is a snickers? I think you could make a big deal about that too.
9 We are not a charity.
10 Idiots have a right to lose as much money as they can, for as long as is humanly possible on our stupid biased games. This right must be in the Constitution somewhere. Find it quick and make a big deal about it.
10 We are not a charity. We are here for the sole purpose of...
I think that about covers it. Oh, one other thing Jack, boyo. Make sure there is no deep throat that sees this. Remember, one of us may have a Friend in the Mob.