I feel guilty

A 48 year old restaurant businessman from my home town committed suicide recently because he lost 126K playing BJ. I always wanted to have an in-depth conversation with him about the game especially because I new he was playing with big money. I never did in order to keep myself private as an AP. I guess I felt it would be like trying to catch a flight to the moon to convert him to AP status. It is still sad though. The poor man thought luck was in his favor.

The lesson being taught is that the game is brutal and nobody has any business playing it with any sizable $ if they are not an AP.

When one of my two closest friends died from a heroin overdose on Christmas Eve �04. He was a brilliant chemist from a wealthy family and a member of MENSA. Mental illness is hell.

Unknown to me, he was so depressed that he turned to illegal drugs to try to self-medicate. He died trying to stop his internal pain.

For some time, I blamed myself. Many of his friends felt the same. What could I have done to prevent this? NOTHING! You cannot feel responsible. I was having a little spat with a true friend and didn�t invite him to Christmas dinner. We have spent almost every holiday together for almost a decade. .

I now realize that one small gesture or offer would not have made a difference. Do not feel responsible for his illness. I later found that the dinner invitation was not the issue. His mother was.

In your case, blackjack was probably his way of escaping his mind.

This may be harsh at this delicate time, however� Gamblers don�t want to learn how to win. They just want to gamble. If you have ever tried to convert a gambler to an AP, you already know this. In your case, was he in counseling or did he have a past mental illness? If you can�t answer these questions, you certainly could not have prevented anything like this.

You sentiment and feelings are certainly noble. They show your caring attitude for your fellow humans. Thank you.

Please don�t let this rent space in your head anymore. Grieve for him and then celebrate his life.

Very Sincerely,
-Wylie

I agree 100% with what Wylie has written. Stealth Bomber probabaly couldn't have done anything to prevent the tragedy, and shouldn't hold himself in any way responsible. He is not responsible for it, and did not contribute to it.

Gamblers don�t want to learn how to win. They just want to gamble.

This observation explains a lot about why some people act as they do.
Although those who are addicted to gambling would not admit it, the money is only important as a passport to the action. I know people who love the action, but refuse to learn how to win. "All those rules just take the fun out of it."

The vicious circle, whatever the symptom or addiction, tied to depression is a rough one to pull out of. Been there and done that and am happy everyday to be able to tell about it. Eventually, the symptom and the cause can become indistinguishable as they exist in a state of interdependence and the initial cause becomes lost.

For me it was alcohol and it was torture. Being depressed and believing that the only way to immediately stop the depression was more alcohol which of course caused greater depression and round and round you go. It was an obsession that took control of me every waking moment. I never imagined a compulsion could be so strong. Ultimately at the end, it was a choice to live or not and it was a choice only I could have made.

Hitting rock bottom sends the message to get help but unfortunately not everyone gets the message and for some, rock bottom may be too far gone.

Given the nature of gamblers and gambling addictions, any conversation you might have had with the pour soul might have only made things worse.

Gambling and discipline are antithetical; so it is extremely unlikely he would ever had the discipline to actually learn how to count, etc.

But how many gamblers are out there who have read a book on card counting, and think they are card counters? How many also think this "knowledge" justifies more and bigger play?

You had no control over the situation, and you were not in any position to have any influence over it. So, when it comes to feeling guilty over it, as the subject of this message says, Don't.

I agree that you should not feel guilty about the person committing suicide but I think it will change you in the future. Some years ago, I was staying at a small hotel in Verona, before the Turning Stone Casino had their own hotel. While taking advantage of the swimming pool, an older gentleman told me that he and his wife were losing a large amount of money playing the Big Six Wheel. I explained to him how the Casino had a huge 18% or so advantage and before I left a few days later, he thanked me for helping them to save some money.

Perhaps they lost it on other games. Perhaps they found something else to do with their time, rather than become involved in something they did not fully understand. But many times if you offer some advice, you are told to mind your own business or you are perfunctorily ignored. At least you can walk away knowing that you tried and leave it at that.

This story was hushed up at the time, but another dealer at the Niagara Casino admitted to me in hushed tones that it actually happened. A group of players were being beaten by a dealer who seemed to have a high level of luck. He was getting 19-20 and 21 much more often then they were. The player's suggested that they would finance him at another Casino and share the profits to be won from his good luck.

He refused their suggestion but decided to do it on his own and make even more money. Of course he was not aware that if a dealer has a 7 up or higher, the players get just as good hands as the dealer; but if the dealer has 6 or less, the players stand on 12 or 13 and don't get as many "good" hands.

Sitting on the other side of the table, the dealer lost a small fortune. He decided that he had two choices. One was to go home and tell his wife (they had two or three small children) that they would have to sell their home -------- or ---------- commit suicide. He chose the latter.