The Potato, a Fable
Sean and Padraigh were visiting the Florida beaches one fine afternoon. Sean kept getting admiring glances from all the bikini babes, and Padraigh was getting irritated.
Finally, Padraigh asked, "Howinell do ye get the colleens so hot and bothered?"
Sean says, "You just get a potato and stick it in your swimsuit!"
"Ah, the potato! A hunnerd and one uses, now a hunnerd and two!" laughs Padraigh.
So that night, Padraigh goes out and buys a potato, and the next day, he stuffs it in his swimsuit before they go to the beach. But all morning, the girls are looking at him with horrified, disgusted looks on their faces. So he asks Sean what he's done wrong.
Sean looks, and tells Padraigh, "You idiot, the potato goes in FRONT!"
So, try putting your money there. The ladies will like you more, and if one tries to rob you, at least you'll get something out of it!
Alternately, you can stick your money where the sun don't shine. But it'll be a wee bit uncomfortable and you'll get some funny looks. You you can put a small amount in your shoes, too, but expect it to be damp and smelly by day's end.